Mentoring Monday: Purity in a Perverted World
Ashley Chesnut
This post was written by Shawn Grubb. She and her husband Rob lead a couples' small group at Brook Hills.
One of the most beautiful things about our Savior is His amazing grace – how He takes the things that we most regret and turns them into ministry. Someone once said, “We serve a redeeming God, who not only heals our pain and scars, but also makes them count for something.” Isaiah 61:3 says that He will “bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes.” Romans 8:28 promises that “in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.”
My husband and I have had many regrets throughout our lives. In particular, our single years were sprinkled with sexual immorality. I can honestly say that if it were not for God’s amazing grace, I don’t know where we would be today. In 1988 God sovereignly planned for me to marry my husband, Rob, when I was 18 and he was 21. We have now been married 24 years, and the Lord has blessed us with three daughters (Jordan – 21, Morgan – 19, Erin – 16).
God planted a great passion in us to raise our daughters in sexual purity, and that passion lead us to a question that practically overwhelmed us: “How will we raise our children to live sexually pure lives in the middle of this perverted world?” We certainly did not live that way when we were young! We were never taught how to live pure lives, nor did we choose to seek instruction in the Word of God. Rob and I were unaware of what it looked like to live in true purity. We thought it was exclusively about abstaining from certain behaviors, most of which we failed miserably. Once we got married, God began to gradually transform our sinful hearts and minds through His Word. The Holy Spirit began to bring us to true repentance over our past mistakes. The more we grew in an understanding of purity and how far we had missed the mark, the more our passion grew to raise godly children for His Kingdom. We didn’t want our children to have to repeat the same mistakes that we had made.
But how?
So we looked to Scripture for guidance. John 8:32 says, “then you will know the Truth and the Truth will set you free.” We wanted to teach our girls how to experience true freedom from those sins. If the Truth was the avenue to give this freedom to them, then the Truth is the avenue we would take. Freedom springs from Truth. The Lord began to show us that this was true on so many levels. On the highest and most important level – Jesus! We will know the gospel of Jesus Christ (the ultimate Truth), and He will set us free from sin and death.
However, it does not stop there. It is the knowledge of truth on every level (including sex) that will bring freedom. So, it became our desire to be honest with our children about sex – to reveal to them the truth. We saw that if we really wanted to raise sexually pure children, then sharing the truth about sex was an obligation. The TRUTH about sex… not what the world says about it, but what God says about it and how He originally designed it. Early on, we decided to aim to be honest about these truths with our children. We also decided that the earlier we could share these truths with them, the better; after all, first messages of Truth are often the most powerful! When the time was right, we also planned to open up with our girls regarding our past mistakes. After all, it is in our weakness that God’s power is made strong. It is in the light of Truth that we have freedom and life. Ephesians 5:11-14 speaks of this life. It tells us to “have nothing to do with the deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.” So as the Spirit led us, we were able to be real and transparent with our girls. It appears that this has brought down many barriers and has brought us to deeper levels of communication. It has built unity and honesty within our family. Rob and I did not want to require something of our girls that we are not willing to do ourselves. Do we want our kids sharing with us their struggles and sins? Yes. Then we have to be willing to share our struggles with them. Obviously, details are not necessary – the point is to model humility, transparency, and honesty. It is an opportunity for us to model the gospel for our children.
If we as parents will not humbly take our rightful place in training our children in the Lord nor begin to engage in conversation on a regular basis concerning God’s design for sex (stop dodging these conversations) or truly nurture our children’s hearts in Christ, then we can trust God to raise up a generation of kids that will live out true purity – a generation of sexually pure children?
“Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.” (Matthew 5:8). Isn’t that what we want for our kids? We do not want them to just know of God but to truly know God and to see Him! As parents, if our goal is to raise “moral” kids that do the right thing and make the right choices, we have missed the mark. Our goal should be to raise kids that love Jesus and walk with Him daily. If they do that, He will lead them to live sexually pure lives. Now that is FREEDOM!
We thank you, Lord, for your grace. Please empower us as mothers and fathers to engage in this battle for our children’s purity. Allow us to break out of the shame and fear so we can open our mouths to the truth of sex and your beautiful design. May our kids grasp the beauty of it and choose to fight for purity and run from temptation. As parents, may we fight for our own purity and be willing to model truth, honesty and purity in our own lives. Free this generation from the sexual immorality that permeates our culture. Oh, Lord, raise up a generation of men and women who are willing to be warriors for YOUR KINGDOM!
One of the most beautiful things about our Savior is His amazing grace – how He takes the things that we most regret and turns them into ministry. Someone once said, “We serve a redeeming God, who not only heals our pain and scars, but also makes them count for something.” Isaiah 61:3 says that He will “bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes.” Romans 8:28 promises that “in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.”
My husband and I have had many regrets throughout our lives. In particular, our single years were sprinkled with sexual immorality. I can honestly say that if it were not for God’s amazing grace, I don’t know where we would be today. In 1988 God sovereignly planned for me to marry my husband, Rob, when I was 18 and he was 21. We have now been married 24 years, and the Lord has blessed us with three daughters (Jordan – 21, Morgan – 19, Erin – 16).
God planted a great passion in us to raise our daughters in sexual purity, and that passion lead us to a question that practically overwhelmed us: “How will we raise our children to live sexually pure lives in the middle of this perverted world?” We certainly did not live that way when we were young! We were never taught how to live pure lives, nor did we choose to seek instruction in the Word of God. Rob and I were unaware of what it looked like to live in true purity. We thought it was exclusively about abstaining from certain behaviors, most of which we failed miserably. Once we got married, God began to gradually transform our sinful hearts and minds through His Word. The Holy Spirit began to bring us to true repentance over our past mistakes. The more we grew in an understanding of purity and how far we had missed the mark, the more our passion grew to raise godly children for His Kingdom. We didn’t want our children to have to repeat the same mistakes that we had made.
But how?
So we looked to Scripture for guidance. John 8:32 says, “then you will know the Truth and the Truth will set you free.” We wanted to teach our girls how to experience true freedom from those sins. If the Truth was the avenue to give this freedom to them, then the Truth is the avenue we would take. Freedom springs from Truth. The Lord began to show us that this was true on so many levels. On the highest and most important level – Jesus! We will know the gospel of Jesus Christ (the ultimate Truth), and He will set us free from sin and death.
However, it does not stop there. It is the knowledge of truth on every level (including sex) that will bring freedom. So, it became our desire to be honest with our children about sex – to reveal to them the truth. We saw that if we really wanted to raise sexually pure children, then sharing the truth about sex was an obligation. The TRUTH about sex… not what the world says about it, but what God says about it and how He originally designed it. Early on, we decided to aim to be honest about these truths with our children. We also decided that the earlier we could share these truths with them, the better; after all, first messages of Truth are often the most powerful! When the time was right, we also planned to open up with our girls regarding our past mistakes. After all, it is in our weakness that God’s power is made strong. It is in the light of Truth that we have freedom and life. Ephesians 5:11-14 speaks of this life. It tells us to “have nothing to do with the deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.” So as the Spirit led us, we were able to be real and transparent with our girls. It appears that this has brought down many barriers and has brought us to deeper levels of communication. It has built unity and honesty within our family. Rob and I did not want to require something of our girls that we are not willing to do ourselves. Do we want our kids sharing with us their struggles and sins? Yes. Then we have to be willing to share our struggles with them. Obviously, details are not necessary – the point is to model humility, transparency, and honesty. It is an opportunity for us to model the gospel for our children.
If we as parents will not humbly take our rightful place in training our children in the Lord nor begin to engage in conversation on a regular basis concerning God’s design for sex (stop dodging these conversations) or truly nurture our children’s hearts in Christ, then we can trust God to raise up a generation of kids that will live out true purity – a generation of sexually pure children?
“Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.” (Matthew 5:8). Isn’t that what we want for our kids? We do not want them to just know of God but to truly know God and to see Him! As parents, if our goal is to raise “moral” kids that do the right thing and make the right choices, we have missed the mark. Our goal should be to raise kids that love Jesus and walk with Him daily. If they do that, He will lead them to live sexually pure lives. Now that is FREEDOM!
We thank you, Lord, for your grace. Please empower us as mothers and fathers to engage in this battle for our children’s purity. Allow us to break out of the shame and fear so we can open our mouths to the truth of sex and your beautiful design. May our kids grasp the beauty of it and choose to fight for purity and run from temptation. As parents, may we fight for our own purity and be willing to model truth, honesty and purity in our own lives. Free this generation from the sexual immorality that permeates our culture. Oh, Lord, raise up a generation of men and women who are willing to be warriors for YOUR KINGDOM!
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