Testimony Tuesday: Choosing to TurnBH Women Contributor
Today's post was written by BH member, Cassandra Watts.
Hi, I am Cassandra Watt of the Watt family, which includes my husband Richard, our 3 dogs, and 2 guinea pigs. My husband and I met on eHarmony and have been married for 5 years. Our marriage has been great, but my lack of faith in God put me on a downward spiral of discontentment. This is my story of God's intervention.
I have always had a heightened sense of good and evil energy, which has caused me to live fearfully since I was a young child. As an adult, I started thinking how much more peaceful it would be to contemplate that the whole God/Devil and Heaven/Hell thing might just be nonexistent. If it weren't real, then I wouldn't have to devote so much worry to the cause of being a good Christian or to my sensitivities. I liked the way that sounded.
Due to my new found mental peace, I stopped reading the Bible and stopped attending church at Brook Hills. My life was good for a few years. Then, the discontentment set in. I became unhappy and didn't know why. I ultimately felt my most content while listening to hip-hop dance and pop music while I worked at my desk job each day. It was "Club Cassandra" in my mind, and it gave me a high.
One day, my Christian sister pointed out that some "normal" musical artists were into worshipping Satan. I was like, "No way!" She told me to research it, and I did. I don't believe everything I read online, and I'm not a gullible person. However, what was right under my nose was shocking! I began to see life in a different light. If all these evil forces were at work, then that must mean that God was real too.
One night, I let my pets out around 3am. I prayed aloud for God's protection, then I heard a sinister laugh, mocking me. I freaked out, looking for anything that could have caused me to imagine what I heard. There was nothing. My pets were outside, and my husband was sleeping soundly. I heard it! After that, I prayed like I wanted to save my life. I wanted God to come back to me.
The next night came, and I opened my Bible. I began to read Psalm 91:1-2: "Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, 'He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.'"
I continued to read Psalm 92 and 93, speaking of God's glory, and I realized that I hadn't glorified God in a long time. I repented of that and kept reading. The next few nights were awful spiritual warfare. In my sleeplessness, I read the book of Isaiah and got a picture of what God expects from a believer. I fell way short. I read Romans and saw that Jesus was the way to my saving grace and that obeying His commands was to be a joy and not an obligation. Romans 8:1-2 states, "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death."
I confessed my sins and begged God for forgiveness, and I prayed and read the Bible for several nights during my insomnia. I also felt the need to get rid of some items that had ties to who I no longer wanted to be. I deleted some old boyfriends info from my phone and deleted pics on social media that were not for His glory. I no longer wanted to listen to secular music at work, as it had poisoned my mind. These things I did willingly because they had no value compared to my desire to get right with God.
I thanked God for saving my soul and taking off the blinders that I had to the world and to myself! Having the Holy Spirit was like my brain got wiped, I couldn't conjure up an impure thought or word if I wanted to. Romans 12:2 says, "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will." I have been transformed, and I want my life to reflect God's glory, love, and mercy. I'm starting life over at age thirty-six! Praise God!