This week as we look towards Mother’s Day, we will feature various blog posts by mothers and about motherhood written by women in our church. Today’s post was written by Angie Trantham. Angie and her husband Chris have been members of Brook Hills since 2012 and have twin daughters, Hattie and Mary Holland.

I will often share posts on infertility on social media. I don’t post infertility articles on social media for other people, the people I think need them. I post them for myself. You see, I am one of the 7.4 MILLION women in the U.S. who used infertility services to conceive my children. I post these beautiful blogs, magazine articles, and pastor’s letters because they express what I could never say when I was walking down that road.

I wish I could tell you that, as I walked the road of infertility, I was as trusting as Sarah and had the prayer life of Hannah. But I can’t. I skipped church on Mother’s Day because I didn’t want to have to sit there with my husband while the pastor asked all the mother’s to stand (torture). I made excuses as to why I couldn’t make a baby shower. I was so jealous when a friend got pregnant after just one try (really?!) that I would slip into my office and cry. I was being poked, prodded, and given medication that might help. It just wasn’t fair.

While the physical issue was very real, the spiritual was just as real. That issue of was envy and unbelief. Envy is defined by Matthew Henry as grieving at the good of another. No sin is more hateful to God or more hurtful to our neighbor and ourselves. Every time I got upset or cried when I received ANOTHER shower invitation, I was envying and, therefore, grieving God. As a Christ-follower, the last thing I want to do is grieve my Savior. I bring nothing to my relationship with Christ except sin, and He saved me!

Did I believe God would be faithful to answer my prayer for children? I can give you the church answer or the honest answer, and the honest answer is I don’t know. I don’t know if I believed. I felt like Hannah, “In her deep anguish Hannah prayed to the Lord, weeping bitterly” (1 Sam 1:10). But I pressed onward toward Christ, even when it hurt, and I was blessed.

Three years later, I can see the lessons that God taught me during that time. I can see where He took me to purify my heart and help prepare me for the other times of doubt and disbelief. "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light" (Matt. 11:28-30).