This week as we look towards Mother's Day, we will feature various blog posts by mothers and about motherhood written by women in our church. Today's post was written by Carole Smith.
We had just moved to Puerto Rico from Alberta, Canada, when we learned we were pregnant with our third. All of us have those things that we hold near to our hearts with each child. I would place a hand on my protruding belly and instantly feel a turning from within so that a hand met mine. Oh, the love we mothers have for our babies! We begin to dream and pray for what the Lord had for “this” precious child.
We moved a few more times enjoying life with our three before this precious child became critically ill. Prayers were continually on our lips for healing and wisdom on how to juggle life. This precious child missed most of grades 1 and 2, in and out of hospitals until miraculously God healed him with no medical explanation! God showed Himself to us in new and deep ways.
The days after healing began to return to “normal” as this precious child recovered from the effects of the treatment of his disease. He was behind physically, academically, emotionally, and socially. By seventh grade, he had begun his downward spiral into sin. Nothing in our wildest dreams imagined the days ahead. I am not going to tell you his story, only a brief part of mine
My world was rocked to the core, even more than with his illness or any other life experiences. Questions were flooding my thoughts….
- Will this precious child of Yours hurt others while living in sin?
- If I truly trust God, why do I lack inner peace?
- Will my broken heart ever heal?
- Where can I turn for help when there seem to be no answers?
- How do I hold my husband and I together when home feels like a war zone?
- How do I move forward in wisdom – not simply reacting to the latest episode?
- How do I find the strength to continue?
- Would my actions show everything I believe, everything I know of God?
On and on the questions came until God in His love allowed me to get to the end of my abilities, to the end of all those “I” questions. He continued in His sovereignty to place me so that all I could do was search for Him. He gave me a great desire to know Him more, and I learned the meaning of Psalm 42:1--“As the deer longs for streams of water, so I long for you, O God.”
The path was a return to the basics. The direction was into the Word with all the references to God, Jesus, and Holy Spirit. (A concordance in your Bible will give you a great place to start.) These were the days before tablets, so with yellow pad in hand I began to record what I was learning about God. No matter how familiar, it went on that pad.
Proverbs 3:5-8 was one of many passages the Lord used to answer so many of the questions that I had asked: “Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD, and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones.”
Over the course of several weeks, this precious child had not changed, but my heart had. My sin became the focus – not this precious child. As God brought healing to my soul through the confession and repentance of my own sin, He renewed my hope. He moved me to the place that no matter the outcome – He can be trusted. He was took me deeper into who He is so that my heart, not just my head, could trust Him for the future.
I continued to feel despair and a loss of our dream (hope) for this precious child. I began finding Scriptures with hope and reading these out loud. It felt strange at first reading aloud, alone in my room. But there is power in those Words that God used to strengthen me. Before long they were in my heart (another promise of God’s). Here are some of my favorites:
- "Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God." -Psalms 42:11
- "You are my hiding place and my shield; I hope in your word." -Psalms 119:114
- "but the LORD takes pleasure in those who fear him, in those who hope in His steadfast love." -Psalms 147:11
- "Discipline your son, for there is hope; do not set your heart on putting him to death." -Proverbs 19:18
- "Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer." -Romans 12:12
- "For to this end we toil and strive, because we have our hope set on the living God, who is the Savior of all people, especially of those who believe." -1 Timothy 4:10
Hang in there, Mom. God will meet you where you are. Get your Bible and tablet (electronic or yellow) and continue your journey with Him. He is growing you into a beautiful, strong woman of faith (Rom. 5:4-5). Trust that He not only has a plan for your child but also for you and your family (Jer. 29:11; 31:17)!
My prayer for you is Romans 15:4, 13: “For whatever was written in former days was written for our instruction, that through endurance and through the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope. ... May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.”