Today's post was written by BH member, Kathleen Smith.

If you look at me, the first thought that comes to mind would not be "Clearly, Kathleen is a runner!"

And yet, in one way or another for my entire life, that is all I have ever done.

I ran a road lined with drugs, alcohol, anorexia, self-harm, and suicide, which started after a life-altering trauma at age 7. From that day, all I saw myself as was God's EPIC mistake, His blight and stain upon all of humanity. Therefore, I openly pursued to punish and destroy myself.

That destruction would lead to a life of craving safety at all costs, including building a literal 200 pound barrier of fat to surround me, so that I would NEVER be touched again. And it worked brilliantly. In my mind that wall was impenetrable. But I was about to be humbled by just how mighty and how very clever our God really is. His intention for me was to tear down, once and for all, that barrier.

So, 2 years ago he led me to the most sacred place where I might feel His touch. You guessed it-a fitness gym. And it is there that I met some new friends.

Out of all the movements in my time spent training with them, the ones that have best served me is learning how to kneel, how to bow, how to pray, and how, not only is salvation possible for us ALL, it alone is crucial if we are to truly live.

On December 4th, 2012, I fell down upon my knees, buckling under decades of isolation and brokenness and, in between my anguished cries, secretly wondering is there even one ounce of life left in me.

“Be still.” Words that normally struck absolute terror within me that night brought about a magnificent peace.

In January of this year, I ran my first 5K race. There was a wind at my back like none I've ever felt that carried me across that finish line. And I have to believe that the difference this time is because instead of running from pain, I was running into the open arms of Jesus Christ.

For so long I wanted to die for all the wrong reasons. But today, I want to die for all the right ones-forgetting what lies behind, and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus, whom I proclaim as my Lord and my Savior and now, my Life.
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