Today's post was written by Dawn Stephens, who is the Women's Minister at Brook Hills.
Recently as I was sitting at a table of young moms and the conversation turned to questions about our children’s sexuality, the voices got quieter. They whispered when they talked about it, sex…….why?
Why do we whisper in shamed and embarrassed tones about sex when the world is blatantly shouting about it with all its might? Why do we fret and stress over talking with our children about their God-given gift of sexuality when the world is clearly communicating a distorted picture across every media platform possible?
As Christian mothers, we have been given both the Scriptural understanding of God’s design for sex and the discipling opportunity to talk with our children about this gift He gave us all.
I understand some of us made poor choices in regards to our sexuality as young adults and that might affect why we are ashamed and feel ill equipped to teach our children about God’s design and plan for their bodies. But there is no need to be ashamed or to live handicapped in regret. For those of us who have submitted our hearts and minds to Christ and have trusted in Him as our Savior, He is and can be Lord over our sexuality, in all its brokenness and beauty.
His forgiveness of our sins extends back to those high school and college days when we lived for the flesh and the flirtation of the moment. His forgiveness covers our secrets and shame of childhood and “remembers it no more.” Therefore ,we shouldn't either.
Sisters, walk in forgiveness of those poor choices and ask Christ to give you both confidence and peace to teach this next generation what God’s Word has to say about sex. Or if you were a virgin when you married and have no sexual sin in your past, but you were raised in a home that did not talk about “it,” that is okay. It doesn’t make you dirty or unladylike or anything else that the enemy might tell you are if you clearly and lovingly talk with your children about this most important part of who God made them to be…sexual beings.
Here are a few things to remember as you prepare to talk to your children about their sexuality:
- Talk with your heavenly Father first and ask Him to forgive you of your sexual sin and to help you to live a life of sexual purity in front of your children in all its forms (your speech, entertainment choices, magazine/book choices ,and how you live with and love your spouse) as well as give you wisdom and love in how to talk with your children about their sexuality.
- Talk with their earthly father second (whether you are married to him or not) and ask him how he would want you to talk with your children about their sexuality. This can open up some great conversations between the two of you about a most important topic in the lives of your children. You might be surprised at what you learn!
- Make a plan with dad on how and when these important conversations need to take place.
- Find a great resource(s) to both educate you on biblical sexuality as well as on the basic information all children need at certain developmental milestones. Below are a few resources I recommend:
- David Platt's sermons on sexuality from 1 Corinthians 6 (part 1 and part 2)
- Jim Shaddix's sermons on sexuality and marriage from 1 Corinthians 7 (part 1 and part 2)
- God’s Design for Sex series (4 books) by Stan and Brenna Jones
- How and When to Tell Your Kids About Sex: A Lifelong Approach to Shaping Your Child’s Sexual Character by Stan and Brenna Jones
- Passport2Purity (for ages 10+)
My husband and I used the God’s Design for Sex series with our son. We all sat down together and read the books (1 and 2) when he reached each developmental milestone. Then we asked him if he had any questions… those usually come later and at interesting times!
For young children (under 10) answer their questions as honest and appropriately as possible when they ask them. Don’t give them too much detail that they don’t need or don't want to know, but encourage them to ask you first if they have any more questions about the subject.
For older children and teens, talk honestly and clearly about the topics in our culture that they ask questions about or mention in conversation, always giving God’s plan as the foundational truth. Create an environment of openness and approachability with your teens. They will tend come to you more often if they know all questions are good questions!
Finally, don’t make this too big and bad in your minds! Remember, God made sex for our good and His glory, and He will help us accurately and appropriately teach our children about one of his most good gifts - sex!
Another recommended article is "How Do I Talk to My Daughter about Sex and Masturbation" by Sissy Golf.