Today's post was written by Brook Hills member, April Allen.

The story of Abraham and Isaac has always intrigued me. Or maybe “bewildered” is a better way to put it. How in the world could God ask a man to sacrifice his only son, the promised one he’d waited decades for? A beloved, innocent child! How gruesome. How cruel. How unjust. I can’t imagine Abraham’s agony. How did he find the strength to obey? Would I have been able to obey?

Through years of reflecting on such questions ( and I still don’t claim a complete understanding of all God was doing), He has revealed powerful truths and uncovered hidden sins in my life. Image, appearance, reputation – these were the primary objects of my affection growing up, my idols. Things I could control. Good grades, achievements - my eyes were fixed on self and others’ perception of me and not on God and how He sees me.

[caption id="attachment_1209" align="alignright" width="300"] This statue represents Jesus with a mother and her aborted child and is in the Patterson Grove Cemetery in Pleasant Grove.[/caption]

I did grow up in church. I memorized Scripture weekly in my private school Bible class. But I had not allowed the Word to penetrate my heart and change my beliefs, my thoughts, or my actions. After college, I found myself unexpectedly pregnant but not married. Panic and fear were like a vice grip. My family would be horrified. This was a major problem that I had to fix immediately. I was a good, smart girl. I knew better. Reputation must be preserved. Self first, self second, and God…being stiff-armed at this point. I knew what He thought about abortion, and I hardened my heart. I bought the lie that the shame of having a child out of wedlock would become my hell on earth, and that was unthinkable. So, as usual, I took control. I secretly had an abortion. I told only a couple of friends. I buried the secret and kept it hidden for 15 years.

Looking back, God was there with me (as He is always). He allowed the consequences of my sin to put me to another test. A test to trust Him. Do I obey…do I put “self” (my reputation) on the altar and trust in His faithfulness to work all things together for good? Or do I take control and sacrifice my unborn child to spare self? I deeply regret failing that test. I sometimes wonder what my child would have been like. What did God have in mind for him? How many other lives could he have impacted? Sadly, there are millions of other women wondering the exact same thing.

But God! Don’t you love that phrase? (Thank you, David Platt.) But God is faithful. He was, is, and always will be with me. Even after blowing it in such a gigantic way! He IS using my unborn child’s existence for my good and His glory. Several years ago, He initiated my healing journey through a post-abortion Bible study called Surrendering the Secret. Through that small group study, God took my hidden, ugly sin of abortion (ashes) and exchanged it for beauty. Isaiah 61:1-4 poetically describes how God can transform what is broken and shameful into something whole and praiseworthy. He did it for me. He wants to do it for you. Maybe your secret sin is not abortion. Maybe it’s something else. Whatever it is, He wants to heal and transform. And He will, if we lay down self and choose obedience. (Note: confidential Surrendering the Secret classes are offered through Brook Hills each semester. Fall classes begin soon. For more information, email

So Abraham passed his test with flying colors. Unshakable faith! I can’t wait to ask him about that one day. I’m fully convinced God’s Spirit empowered his obedience. But he still had to cooperate with the Spirit. And I stand amazed by that. But what I really stand amazed by is my Father God, who being in the shoes of Abraham, willingly sacrificed His own beloved Son so that even though I aborted mine, I could be washed of ALL my sin, one day see Him face to face, and hug my first child for the first time.

I’m looking forward to an opportunity to honor my son’s memory as well as the memory of over 50 million aborted American children on Saturday, September 13. On this day, the second annual National Day of Remembrance for Aborted Children will be held nationwide. The local service will take place at Patterson Forest Grove Cemetery in Pleasant Grove at 1:00 pm. For details, see We will pray, sing, hear male and female testimonies, and honor the unborn. Raising awareness of the humanity of the unborn is one of my callings. Helping other post-abortive women seek forgiveness and healing is another.

Seeking to put self on the altar daily,

Your surrendered sister,